I found it.

My whole life I have been a well-rounded person. Perhaps to a fault. This interest in many things, and being able to do a wide range of activities well has led to a major downfall in my life. My utter lack of focus. It has plagued me since childhood and been a yoke on my shoulders. I have known it there, but try as I might, I could never find any specific thing to focus my energies on. I was not just the Wondering Wen, I was the wandering Wen. I moved houses every year or so, sometimes less, never truly being completely focused on what I was doing. This isn't to say that I have attention deficit by any means. Its just that I never truly found my center. My future. My focus.

Its why I never graduated from college. I was interested in what I was doing, but never truly focused. Its also why I was able to finish my two years in England. I was focused on the work I was doing. I had a clear goal; finish the two years honorably. In college there was a goal, but I guess deep down, I didn't really care about what I was studying.

The thing is, I was fully aware of it as it was happening.

After my grades started dropping, I realized I was spending too much time playing FFXI, so I quit playing. Instead of using the extra time studying, I found other games to play. When I quit playing games, I ended up filling the time with writing. After quitting writing, I surfed the net all day. The core problem was that I wasted time cause I wasn't focused on my schooling. My parents were none too happy when I quit school, so I promised them that I would go back when I had found my focus.

When I lost my job it felt like I was facing an oncoming train. It forced me to play my cards, so to speak. Time to make an important decision. It was either take the job I had been doing for the past year and make a career out of it by going to school, or look around for someone who will hire an experienced worker with no qualifications. The second decision seemed to have a probability of 0.03% or so. Despite me being forced to play my cards, I seemed to have a good hand to begin with.

After doing IT work for my company, I realized that I hadn't once become bored with my job in the full 14 months I had been doing it. This is in stark contrast to every other job I've had; I had always become bored after 6 months of the same thing over and over. This job was different. I liked the work, the atmosphere. I looked forward to going to work. I liked learning new things every day. It was fun!

So I chose to enter the IT Systems program at the College of Technology at Idaho State University. If I hadn't become bored after 14 months of it, it was probably a good direction to go.

So here I am, 4 weeks into the program. So far so good? Nope. So far so amazing. I love getting up early to get to my 8:00 Networking class. I even read ahead in the texts. I've never done that in my life! Its not easy, but I adore learning about this stuff. I want to learn it at a faster pace than what we're doing. I even got a 97% on the last Networking test! I never get A's! I'm so stoked! The next chapter is about Routers. I woke up this morning and realized something. I've been waiting for this my entire life. My ten year search is over.

I found it.

My focus.

(So much for opinion/editorial posts. Bleh, I'll get back into that once I get settled into my new place.)